Funny Quotes For Everyone Best Quotes
Whether it’s a statement with a double meaning, an entertaining perception about regular things, or old clever maxims, parody has an approach to causing us to acknowledge we are generally going through similar stuff in this insane life. These Funny Quotes statements about work, love, and loved ones will make them say, “So obvious!” because, indeed, they are. Others will make them recall comical, image commendable film and television minutes.
Have some long overdue time off from your day to look at these Funny Quotes statements we tracked down in stand-up parodies, books, plays, VIP social stations, meetings, motion pictures, and Network programs, which are ensured to give you a fast laugh.
Here Are The Best Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes In English
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
“Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face.”
“Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
“Well, you know what they say: If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.”
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
“No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.”
“Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.”
“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.”
“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”
“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’”
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
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My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
